(616): If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.

an act of depressing or a state of being depressed: as a (1) : a state of feeling sad (2) : a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder markedespecially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty with thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, andsometimes suicidal thoughts or an attempt to commit suicide b : a reduction in functional activity, amount, quality, or force <depression of autonomic function><depression of red blood cells and platelets>

this is the dictionary.com definition of depression. trust me, there is a huuuuuuuge difference between depression and being depressed. i would know. i live with a mother who is dealing with clinical depression. i wonder if anyone my age could even really HAVE depression... it doesn't seem likely. you dont know depression until you have a mother who sleeps an entire summer's day away because she doesn't feel like doing anything.

in a change of topics, the future. yet again. its funny, because when i think about my future, my writing is there. like, i dont envision myself doing anything else other than writing. when i look at colleges, i look at their writing programs. when i think about where i want to live, i consider the best possible places that i can live in to get my writing published. i'm even considering taking EIGHT classes next year so that i can be on the newspaper staff and get my writing published in the school newspaper. i WANT to be a published author and i WANT to go to sleep at night knowing that this is exactly where i wanna be in life, that i'm doing something i am absolutely in love with, and that there is nothing else better out there for me.

its funny how i can literally sit in borders for HOURS looking at books, and i know literally everything there is to know about jane austen<3 and seriously, i could read any meg cabot book ever published. she is just THAT amazing. most people are all "i love writing, blah, blah, blah" but they really just dont know. writing is my LIFE. there is nothing else to me anymore.

i literally use all my free time thinking of ways to write about nathan and lauren and their love. i spend hours in bookstores, reading the backs of books, picking out the best of them and analyzing every detail, every inch of their amazingness. there is nothing else to me anymore. i AM writing. and i am perfectly in love with that<3

but i think about it all the time. and i just know that somehow, because i want it bad enough, i just might become the next meg cabot<3 and that is what keeps me going :D

He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes
Started making his way past 2 in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days

Leaning now into the breeze
Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last
Like the feeling of what he needs

Now this place seems familiar to him
She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs
Left him dying to get in

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me

Even though she doesn't believe in love,
He's determined to call her bluff
Who could deny these butterflies?
They're filling his gut

Waking the neighbors, unfamiliar faces
He pleads though he tries
But he's only denied
Now he's dying to get inside

Forgive me, I'm trying to find
My calling, I'm calling at night
I don't mean to be a bother,
But have you seen this girl?
She's been running through my dreams
And it's driving me crazy, it seems
I'm going to ask her to marry me

The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn't think much of it then
But it's starting to all make sense
Oh, I can see now that all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my whoever, wherever she may be

[Juliet Simms:]
I'm not coming back (forgive me)
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak (I'm not calling, I'm not calling)
But you'd expect that from me
I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just (You're driving me crazy, I'm)
Washing you out of my hair and out of my mind
Keeping an eye on the world,
From so many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now
I'm at home in the clouds, and towering over your head

[Alex Gaskarth:]
Well I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home now...
I guess I'll go home

when everything seems so perfect, is it really?
when you know things really just couldn't get better, why is there a hole inside of you?
everything is good. what is wrong with me? Dx :O

(858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

last night was great :D well, really, yesterday in general. starting off with frances and taylor time at the plaza bonita mall (we did go to chula for all of, like, five minutes before changing our minds). we went "window shopping" and realized that this was the first real time we'd done something like that since like, field hockey season. so that was cool(:

after we'd walked throughout the entire second story of the mall, eaten pizza/sandwiches, and bought jamba juice, we kinda camped out in borders for a couple hours, in an aisle with jane austen AND meg cabot :D so i was picking books up left and right, and i now know where to go to buy that book i was looking for. kristina met up with us about an hour into our borders thing, and then after that, we went to go see angels&demons :D

upon leaving the theater (and being made fun for my extra credit for italian class xD), julio and elijah were waiting for us, or really, julio was waiting for kristina, and elijah got dragged along. fifteen minutes, one caramel frappucino, and being kicked out of a furniture store and comic store later, brian came and we ended up on the "roof" third floor of the parking garage with our feet on some random car, talking about cum until like nine o'clock xD oh yeah, and within a minute of brian being there, we got yelled at by a mall cop.

i swear, i needed a night like that<3 my friends never cease to amaze me, really. like, they can be jerks, and dorks, but as much as all that bugs me, its even better when we just chill on the kiddie rides by the doors of the plaza mall, making fun of everything.

these are the things that matter most to me. not any gifts i've ever been given, or phony baloney compliments people give me, or anything like that. nights that are just so great, you go to sleep happy(:

(360): i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.

dude, tomorrow better be amazing, because i'm not even joking, today was shitty >.<

she has no right to demand things of us, and show up at OUR school. and i expected those who knew to tell me. i could've done without the additional stress before my big speech. not even joking, i was beyond pissed off at the whole ordeal.

black hole, black hole, black hole...

(401): The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance

today. sucked. i dont wanna talk about it.

"you have chocolate on your face"
"i know, the chicks like it there"
"you're eating a power bar. why?"
"i dunno, POWER, maybe?" xD
my after school adventures<3